Fruit o’ the Loon
’07 Installment # 1
If I fail to annoy everyone, I’m sorry
LOON BOOK MINI-REPORT
“Theodore Rex” by Edmond Morris is a ponderous book. The paperback weighs about 2 pounds and 213 of its 772 pages are devoted to archives, bibliography, credits, and index. As you might imagine, it is a scholarly work. It is the second of a planned biographic trilogy of Theodore Roosevelt, and Teddy Rex covers only 8 years of his life—those while he was President. Morris is a gifted writer of elegant English, and, for the Loon, that is the salvaging grace of this book. It didn’t hurt that Teddy Roosevelt is easily, in my mind, the most interesting man to ever hold the Presidency. He had an unusual mix of characteristics and abilities. Off the top of the Loon’s forgetful head, a wholly incomplete list follows, speed reader, photographic memory, polymath, conservationist and environmentalist, war-monger, stoic of the first order, cunning politician, encyclical charismatic, outdoorsman, mountain climber, hunter and bird-watcher, combat soldier, empire builder, visionary, child-like, ambitious, honorable, privileged easterner by birth but self-made westerner by choice, sickly child, uncommon physical strength and courage with uncommon stamina as an adult, prolific writer author of 15 books and reader of 15,000, fair-minded, honest, scientist, and the list should go on.
All that said, the exercise of Presidential power, which is what this book is about, is not a subject on the Loon’s list of top ten interests. Agreed, Morris weaves in the personal Roosevelt with the political, and that, plus Morris’ grand use of language kept me plodding along. The book is also heavy in content; every sentence adds something, and so, a few pages each night before sleep were often all I could handle. This book was made possible because Teddy Roosevelt produced a prodigious volume of writings, most of which are were archived unedited No President before or since is in the same class with him in this regard. Further, the many flawed Presidents during the last of half of the 20th century have been leery of leaving such an incriminating paper trail. Teddy wasn’t cautious with his reputation, as he was the most popular and endearing President we have ever had, and he knew it. He could have had, for the mere asking, a 3rd term and, perhaps, a 4th, term as President, but he had declared that he would stand for President twice and no more. Not that he wasn’t sorely tempted to continue in power, but the dishonor of pledges broken was not a frivolous matter back then, and assets of character were precious and not to be easily sullied. My! My! How behavior in the mighty has changed.
The final book of the trilogy is being written now. It is Teddy’s biography from the end of his Presidency until his death—I will read it. Of the first two books, I recommend most the first, “The Making of Theodore Roosevelt” (His life until be became President), but if you are interested in reading gorgeous writing which give great insight into life in the United States while Teddy was alive (1858-1919), read all three.
NOTABLE QUOTES
“In war the fathers bury their sons; whereas in peace the sons bury their fathers,” Croesus.
Famous as the subject of the saying, “Rich as Croesus”, he was a 6th century BC King of Lydia, and the last of the line. Lydia was a small kingdom in what is now western Anatolian Turkey. The Loon thought you just might like to know that.
“It is all I have wanted to be since I was thirteen.” The reining Miss U.S.A.
These words she spoke while blubbering on TV, after she had been miraculously pardoned by the chief inquisitor and conveyor of all wondrous treasures, THE DONALD, and after she had been caught hard-partying while under age in New York City. The Loon understands fully how important it has become for young people to aspire to be famous. This young woman has made the grade, even though I do not know her name, nor want to, nor need to One can only wonder if she will founder on the rocks of fame, or right herself by shedding her unearned celebrity, and go on to actually do something, or even, perchance, to become a genuine person? The Loon is not filled with confidence at the prospects. Under age hard-partying in New York City is certainly not a credential in support of the label of infamy, but today, infamy is almost synonymous with fame. Today almost any form of recognition is desirable over anonymity. A recent article in “Psychology Today” noted that many young people have relinquished aspirations of accomplishing anything, and exchanged them for desires to be someone—“famous” is they word use.. A current major role model for those who desire to be famous is Paris Hilton who is primarily famous for being famous, and secondarily for being rich and having parents who have been, most likely, derelict in their parental responsibilities. “Sniff!” goes the Loon.
LOON JAZZ BOOK MINI-REPORT (Skip this if you were an addressee on the latest installment of “News and Views from the Hall LindyJazzMobile”—the address lists for Fruits o’ the Loon and News and Views from the Hall LindyJazzMobile have some overlap.)
“The Oxford Companion to Jazz” is a compendium of 61 essays on jazz. It was published in 2000, edited by Bill Kirshner, and the essay contributors include some of the most knowledgeable and gifted writers in the field of jazz journalism and criticism. The essay subject matter is protean; covering history, prominent players and singers, the role of instruments, national and international locales, and the types, styles, and movements in jazz, and it’s used in film and literature. It is a 6 pound 800 page paperback doorstop, but one of the most informative books on jazz I have ever read, and I will tell why. Each essay in this book covers a small segment of jazz using limited scope unconfused by the inherent complexity in the history of jazz and the plethora of interlocking styles in the music. Most books covering the entirety of jazz offer a skewed perspective depending on the musical preference of the author, and a history of the music is often condensed into one huge indigestible confusing story line. The history of jazz is not neat, and everyone has their own perceived Gospel about of the jazz plot line. I have mine. To wit, in one paragraph…just to prove it can be done.
Jazz arose sometime during the end of the 19th century and the start of the 20th century in New Orleans. It was played by men in racially segregated bands as a musical stew composed of field hollers, Ragtime, Blues, African rhythms and sensibilities, European music structure, and seasoned with a spritz of Spanish pepper. The stew lid blew off, and the music poured up the Mississippi River, and, after topping the levees in Memphis and St. Louis, it flooded into Chicago where Louis Armstrong changed everything. Polyphonic jazz became monophonic. Then the erupting stew spewed all the way to New York City from which racially integrated Big Bands spread like a benign virus throughout the east and middle of the United States playing a music known as “swing”. , best characterized by Bill Basie’s comment “I want four beats to every measure”. This pissed off the polyphonists. Charlie Parker then went to New York City and created BeBop a music which changed everything by changing the vocabulary of jazz. This pissed off both the swingers and the polyphonists, the latter which then became derisively known as Mouldy Figs and who finally assigned their music the name “Dixieland”. In the 1960s everything changed again as jazz became psychotic (actually “multipolyschizophrenic), with multiple personalities emerging, and when the stew lost its distinctive flava, it became Baskin Robins jazz with 33 personalities. A personality exemplified by John Coltrane (Spiritual) was followed by one taking jazz back toward its roots (Hard Bop) with another taking it away from its roots (Third Wave). Then Miles Davis created a commercial personality (Fusion), which was followed by a back to kindergarten jazz personality (Atonal), and then there were several cigarette ad jazz personalities (Cool, Lite and Free), all of which were superseded by an all-string acoustic personality (Django Jazz), several revivalist jazz personalities (Neo-Hot Jazz, Retro-Swing, and Messiah Wynton Jazz), and finally, by a Kenny G Jazz personality (Modern). All jazz is now played by racially segregated, but sexually integrated bands, as women now play every jazz instrument except for drums because it is unladylike to sit a bandstand all night with your legs spread wide apart.
This book contains a panoramic variety of jazz essays but with concise content, such as “Louis Armstrong”, “Ragtime Then and Now”, “Hot Music of the ’20s”, “Major Soloists of the ‘30s and ‘40s”, “The Avant-Garde from 1949 to 1967”. “Jazz and Dance”, “Jazz and Brazilian Music”, and “Jazz Drumming” with each essay uncluttered by the bewildering omnibus of what, where, how, and by whom which was then concurrent in jazz. Dig this, I even learned what Blues is and ain’t.
Read it, or be square--if you have 3 months to spare.
NOTE: I am conflicted about where to put a Jazz book report. Should it go in “Fruit’s o’ the Loon” where most of my book reports are found, or, because of jazz content, go in “News and Views from the LindyJazzMobile”? I am going to try to put this book report in both—If, that is, someone will please tell me how to do it without having to type the whole damned thing twice—something I am always loathe to do. Retyping is like washing dishes or making beds, repetitive work that men have never excelled at. BTW, I tried going to “edit” to do the “copy” and “paste” dealy thingy, but my autocratic computer wouldn’t allow it—the nerve of some machines.
Damn! I made it work. Do I hear a move for a resolution to make The Loon the Cyber-Tech King of the Universe?
THE LOON’S MINI-BITCH LIST
The Loon hasn’t been dancing for over 2 weeks, and the edginess born of inactivity has flipped him over into an Andy Rooney mode. To wit:
Why do the media give NASA get so much press to lobby the people for obscenely expensive and largely worthless toys in space. NASA is nervous because young people are completely engaged with You-Tube and Googleing hither thither and yon, and have become indifferent to NASA’s grand plan to build a new fleet of Orion Spacecraft, which can build a way-station on the moon, and then put a man on Mars. See, the youngsters of today are going to have to hoist the tax cost of Orions onto their backs someday, and so NASA is flacking like a side-show shill in a Carnie in order to sell the program. The United States did very nicely for almost 200 years without an American on the moon, and now we have to have one on Mars? Oh! The shame of it all, to be second to the Chinese on Mars. The Loon sez, “Bah! it’s just exorbitantly expensive jingoism, e.g.,” My rocket’s bigger than your rocket.”
Why in the newspaper society sections do doctors get a “Dr” title, but plebian socialites don’t rate a “Mr.” “Ms” or “Mrs.” title? With the recent advent of common family names as given names to both men and women, you can’t tell the gender of the plebeians, and you can’t tell the gender of the doctors either. It’s a lousy system.
Why don’t people use their real names on internet forums? They like to call their internet names “avatars” when they are really just aliases. Are they ashamed of who they are, or what they will write? If you send an unsigned letter to the editor of a newspaper or magazine, the editor should maybe read it, but never publish it. Why do internet forums allow incognito writers? Apparently, the answer is because they can’t stop them, and, perhaps, in the interest of the utter freedom for the internet, the forums shouldn’t insist on real names. However, a cautionary note: utter freedom is utter anarchy. Incidentally the Loon’s internet moniker is “mrmusichall”, but he always affixes “Allen Hall” to the bottom of all postings. He is so proud of himself.
Why do these pissy-little cell phones have to have so many teeny tiny buttons on their sides? The Loon doesn’t know what they are for, and it is almost impossible for Big-Fingers Loon to pick one up without making some damned function go off that the Loon didn’t want in the first place. If he wanted to know the time, he could look at my watch. If he wanted to take a picture, he could use my camera. He doesn’t want call waiting—Hell! He doesn’t even know what it is. He doesn’t want call conferencing—he likes to talk to one person at a time, if he has to talk to more than one person, he becomes even more than ordinarily confused. He understands and appreciates the value of cell phones, for safety, say, if he am hopelessly lost somewhere in a Home Depot, and for coordination of activities, say, when Rudy wants to summons him to dinner when he am more than 120 feet away. If he had my way, the only time when his cell phone would be on was when he wants to make a call. Truly, ever since he quit drinking, he seems to have lost the urge to talk. Both Rudy and he have a cell phone—that was his first mistake--and so, one or the other is ringing all the time. We are SO popular.
Why do people love all these so-called reality TV shows starring so-called celebrities? The “reality” is BS and people designated as celebrities** are now not only ice skating and dancing, they are in a show in which they are foisted off on us as real cops, in a show named “Armed and Famous”. Gimmie a break! The Loon will believe the celebrities are real cops when one is really shot by a real criminal. What’s next, celebrities as real brain surgeons? The only reality show starring celebrities the Loon would like to watch would be entitled “Lost (hopefully forever) on a Jungle Island with lots of Leeches, Giant Lizards with bacteria-laced flesh-dissolving bacteria in their saliva, and Rattle-headed Copper Moccasin Cobras with venom so poisonous that if the snake strikes at you and misses, you are gonna die anyway”.
** Would you please s’plain to da Loon who in the hell determines who is a celebrity? Some celebrities have never been celebrated for doing anything, and besides, da Loon have never heard of half of them. Does the last clause in the last sentence say more about da Loon as an out-of-the-know doofus, than it does about undeserving celebrities?
The Loon is fresh off two days of dance, and, as a result, much more mellow.
YET ANOTHER APPLICATION OF “THE LAW OF UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES”
Congress passed a law to make it possible for deaf people to use the telephone. The deaf person could type in a message and send it over the phone to an operator who would call the person to whom the message was intended and read it to them. For those of us who have many times tried in vain to reach a real person on the phone, just imagine the expense of implementing this law. Oh! It’s no where near the expense of making all public accommodation wheel-chair friendly, but still, hiring real people as telephone operators is not cheap. But forget the expense; the United States is a rich country, and part of that money is rightfully spent on making life easier for the disabled. However, this law allowing the deaf to you the phone is being primarily used by scammers, bunko- artists, drug-runners, money-launderers and the like. They have become the primary users of the new service because there is no record of their voices, and the law prohibits the operators from revealing to anyone the content of the messages. No Catholic Priest, no FBI agent and no local police detectives are allowed to know. And so, Congress has passed a law which could not have been better designed to make the business of crime easier and less undetectable. In defense of Congress, it has never been a body much concerned with “The Law of Unintended Consequences”, but, Hey! a just a tad of common-sense prescience would have helped here. Anyway they are going to have to cut the criminal use balls off of this law, that is to say, when ever they get around to it. Right now, many are absorbed with redecorating their new offices in D.C.
POTPOURRI
1. We in the United States should thank our lucky stars our immigration problem is largely with Christians from democratic Mexico. Consider for a moment, the European immigration problem which is largely Muslims from autocratic countries with a fondness for sharia law.
2. Correct the Loon if he is mistaken, but aren’t we undergoing a major bimbo eruption exemplified by Lindsey Loan, Nicole Ritchie, Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, and the pair of ace ditzes, Jessica and Ashley Simpson?
3. For those of you who object to eating meat from cloned animals, the Loon welcomes you to consider this thought experiment. Let’s say you are a cannibal and you were given a present of the most delicious and tender human you have ever eaten, and after having consumed the whole human, you leaned that the human had an identical twin. Would you object to eating the twin?
Allen Hall. alias “The Loon”
January 1 2007, in sunny warm Punta Gorda Florida
’07 Installment # 1
If I fail to annoy everyone, I’m sorry
LOON BOOK MINI-REPORT
“Theodore Rex” by Edmond Morris is a ponderous book. The paperback weighs about 2 pounds and 213 of its 772 pages are devoted to archives, bibliography, credits, and index. As you might imagine, it is a scholarly work. It is the second of a planned biographic trilogy of Theodore Roosevelt, and Teddy Rex covers only 8 years of his life—those while he was President. Morris is a gifted writer of elegant English, and, for the Loon, that is the salvaging grace of this book. It didn’t hurt that Teddy Roosevelt is easily, in my mind, the most interesting man to ever hold the Presidency. He had an unusual mix of characteristics and abilities. Off the top of the Loon’s forgetful head, a wholly incomplete list follows, speed reader, photographic memory, polymath, conservationist and environmentalist, war-monger, stoic of the first order, cunning politician, encyclical charismatic, outdoorsman, mountain climber, hunter and bird-watcher, combat soldier, empire builder, visionary, child-like, ambitious, honorable, privileged easterner by birth but self-made westerner by choice, sickly child, uncommon physical strength and courage with uncommon stamina as an adult, prolific writer author of 15 books and reader of 15,000, fair-minded, honest, scientist, and the list should go on.
All that said, the exercise of Presidential power, which is what this book is about, is not a subject on the Loon’s list of top ten interests. Agreed, Morris weaves in the personal Roosevelt with the political, and that, plus Morris’ grand use of language kept me plodding along. The book is also heavy in content; every sentence adds something, and so, a few pages each night before sleep were often all I could handle. This book was made possible because Teddy Roosevelt produced a prodigious volume of writings, most of which are were archived unedited No President before or since is in the same class with him in this regard. Further, the many flawed Presidents during the last of half of the 20th century have been leery of leaving such an incriminating paper trail. Teddy wasn’t cautious with his reputation, as he was the most popular and endearing President we have ever had, and he knew it. He could have had, for the mere asking, a 3rd term and, perhaps, a 4th, term as President, but he had declared that he would stand for President twice and no more. Not that he wasn’t sorely tempted to continue in power, but the dishonor of pledges broken was not a frivolous matter back then, and assets of character were precious and not to be easily sullied. My! My! How behavior in the mighty has changed.
The final book of the trilogy is being written now. It is Teddy’s biography from the end of his Presidency until his death—I will read it. Of the first two books, I recommend most the first, “The Making of Theodore Roosevelt” (His life until be became President), but if you are interested in reading gorgeous writing which give great insight into life in the United States while Teddy was alive (1858-1919), read all three.
NOTABLE QUOTES
“In war the fathers bury their sons; whereas in peace the sons bury their fathers,” Croesus.
Famous as the subject of the saying, “Rich as Croesus”, he was a 6th century BC King of Lydia, and the last of the line. Lydia was a small kingdom in what is now western Anatolian Turkey. The Loon thought you just might like to know that.
“It is all I have wanted to be since I was thirteen.” The reining Miss U.S.A.
These words she spoke while blubbering on TV, after she had been miraculously pardoned by the chief inquisitor and conveyor of all wondrous treasures, THE DONALD, and after she had been caught hard-partying while under age in New York City. The Loon understands fully how important it has become for young people to aspire to be famous. This young woman has made the grade, even though I do not know her name, nor want to, nor need to One can only wonder if she will founder on the rocks of fame, or right herself by shedding her unearned celebrity, and go on to actually do something, or even, perchance, to become a genuine person? The Loon is not filled with confidence at the prospects. Under age hard-partying in New York City is certainly not a credential in support of the label of infamy, but today, infamy is almost synonymous with fame. Today almost any form of recognition is desirable over anonymity. A recent article in “Psychology Today” noted that many young people have relinquished aspirations of accomplishing anything, and exchanged them for desires to be someone—“famous” is they word use.. A current major role model for those who desire to be famous is Paris Hilton who is primarily famous for being famous, and secondarily for being rich and having parents who have been, most likely, derelict in their parental responsibilities. “Sniff!” goes the Loon.
LOON JAZZ BOOK MINI-REPORT (Skip this if you were an addressee on the latest installment of “News and Views from the Hall LindyJazzMobile”—the address lists for Fruits o’ the Loon and News and Views from the Hall LindyJazzMobile have some overlap.)
“The Oxford Companion to Jazz” is a compendium of 61 essays on jazz. It was published in 2000, edited by Bill Kirshner, and the essay contributors include some of the most knowledgeable and gifted writers in the field of jazz journalism and criticism. The essay subject matter is protean; covering history, prominent players and singers, the role of instruments, national and international locales, and the types, styles, and movements in jazz, and it’s used in film and literature. It is a 6 pound 800 page paperback doorstop, but one of the most informative books on jazz I have ever read, and I will tell why. Each essay in this book covers a small segment of jazz using limited scope unconfused by the inherent complexity in the history of jazz and the plethora of interlocking styles in the music. Most books covering the entirety of jazz offer a skewed perspective depending on the musical preference of the author, and a history of the music is often condensed into one huge indigestible confusing story line. The history of jazz is not neat, and everyone has their own perceived Gospel about of the jazz plot line. I have mine. To wit, in one paragraph…just to prove it can be done.
Jazz arose sometime during the end of the 19th century and the start of the 20th century in New Orleans. It was played by men in racially segregated bands as a musical stew composed of field hollers, Ragtime, Blues, African rhythms and sensibilities, European music structure, and seasoned with a spritz of Spanish pepper. The stew lid blew off, and the music poured up the Mississippi River, and, after topping the levees in Memphis and St. Louis, it flooded into Chicago where Louis Armstrong changed everything. Polyphonic jazz became monophonic. Then the erupting stew spewed all the way to New York City from which racially integrated Big Bands spread like a benign virus throughout the east and middle of the United States playing a music known as “swing”. , best characterized by Bill Basie’s comment “I want four beats to every measure”. This pissed off the polyphonists. Charlie Parker then went to New York City and created BeBop a music which changed everything by changing the vocabulary of jazz. This pissed off both the swingers and the polyphonists, the latter which then became derisively known as Mouldy Figs and who finally assigned their music the name “Dixieland”. In the 1960s everything changed again as jazz became psychotic (actually “multipolyschizophrenic), with multiple personalities emerging, and when the stew lost its distinctive flava, it became Baskin Robins jazz with 33 personalities. A personality exemplified by John Coltrane (Spiritual) was followed by one taking jazz back toward its roots (Hard Bop) with another taking it away from its roots (Third Wave). Then Miles Davis created a commercial personality (Fusion), which was followed by a back to kindergarten jazz personality (Atonal), and then there were several cigarette ad jazz personalities (Cool, Lite and Free), all of which were superseded by an all-string acoustic personality (Django Jazz), several revivalist jazz personalities (Neo-Hot Jazz, Retro-Swing, and Messiah Wynton Jazz), and finally, by a Kenny G Jazz personality (Modern). All jazz is now played by racially segregated, but sexually integrated bands, as women now play every jazz instrument except for drums because it is unladylike to sit a bandstand all night with your legs spread wide apart.
This book contains a panoramic variety of jazz essays but with concise content, such as “Louis Armstrong”, “Ragtime Then and Now”, “Hot Music of the ’20s”, “Major Soloists of the ‘30s and ‘40s”, “The Avant-Garde from 1949 to 1967”. “Jazz and Dance”, “Jazz and Brazilian Music”, and “Jazz Drumming” with each essay uncluttered by the bewildering omnibus of what, where, how, and by whom which was then concurrent in jazz. Dig this, I even learned what Blues is and ain’t.
Read it, or be square--if you have 3 months to spare.
NOTE: I am conflicted about where to put a Jazz book report. Should it go in “Fruit’s o’ the Loon” where most of my book reports are found, or, because of jazz content, go in “News and Views from the LindyJazzMobile”? I am going to try to put this book report in both—If, that is, someone will please tell me how to do it without having to type the whole damned thing twice—something I am always loathe to do. Retyping is like washing dishes or making beds, repetitive work that men have never excelled at. BTW, I tried going to “edit” to do the “copy” and “paste” dealy thingy, but my autocratic computer wouldn’t allow it—the nerve of some machines.
Damn! I made it work. Do I hear a move for a resolution to make The Loon the Cyber-Tech King of the Universe?
THE LOON’S MINI-BITCH LIST
The Loon hasn’t been dancing for over 2 weeks, and the edginess born of inactivity has flipped him over into an Andy Rooney mode. To wit:
Why do the media give NASA get so much press to lobby the people for obscenely expensive and largely worthless toys in space. NASA is nervous because young people are completely engaged with You-Tube and Googleing hither thither and yon, and have become indifferent to NASA’s grand plan to build a new fleet of Orion Spacecraft, which can build a way-station on the moon, and then put a man on Mars. See, the youngsters of today are going to have to hoist the tax cost of Orions onto their backs someday, and so NASA is flacking like a side-show shill in a Carnie in order to sell the program. The United States did very nicely for almost 200 years without an American on the moon, and now we have to have one on Mars? Oh! The shame of it all, to be second to the Chinese on Mars. The Loon sez, “Bah! it’s just exorbitantly expensive jingoism, e.g.,” My rocket’s bigger than your rocket.”
Why in the newspaper society sections do doctors get a “Dr” title, but plebian socialites don’t rate a “Mr.” “Ms” or “Mrs.” title? With the recent advent of common family names as given names to both men and women, you can’t tell the gender of the plebeians, and you can’t tell the gender of the doctors either. It’s a lousy system.
Why don’t people use their real names on internet forums? They like to call their internet names “avatars” when they are really just aliases. Are they ashamed of who they are, or what they will write? If you send an unsigned letter to the editor of a newspaper or magazine, the editor should maybe read it, but never publish it. Why do internet forums allow incognito writers? Apparently, the answer is because they can’t stop them, and, perhaps, in the interest of the utter freedom for the internet, the forums shouldn’t insist on real names. However, a cautionary note: utter freedom is utter anarchy. Incidentally the Loon’s internet moniker is “mrmusichall”, but he always affixes “Allen Hall” to the bottom of all postings. He is so proud of himself.
Why do these pissy-little cell phones have to have so many teeny tiny buttons on their sides? The Loon doesn’t know what they are for, and it is almost impossible for Big-Fingers Loon to pick one up without making some damned function go off that the Loon didn’t want in the first place. If he wanted to know the time, he could look at my watch. If he wanted to take a picture, he could use my camera. He doesn’t want call waiting—Hell! He doesn’t even know what it is. He doesn’t want call conferencing—he likes to talk to one person at a time, if he has to talk to more than one person, he becomes even more than ordinarily confused. He understands and appreciates the value of cell phones, for safety, say, if he am hopelessly lost somewhere in a Home Depot, and for coordination of activities, say, when Rudy wants to summons him to dinner when he am more than 120 feet away. If he had my way, the only time when his cell phone would be on was when he wants to make a call. Truly, ever since he quit drinking, he seems to have lost the urge to talk. Both Rudy and he have a cell phone—that was his first mistake--and so, one or the other is ringing all the time. We are SO popular.
Why do people love all these so-called reality TV shows starring so-called celebrities? The “reality” is BS and people designated as celebrities** are now not only ice skating and dancing, they are in a show in which they are foisted off on us as real cops, in a show named “Armed and Famous”. Gimmie a break! The Loon will believe the celebrities are real cops when one is really shot by a real criminal. What’s next, celebrities as real brain surgeons? The only reality show starring celebrities the Loon would like to watch would be entitled “Lost (hopefully forever) on a Jungle Island with lots of Leeches, Giant Lizards with bacteria-laced flesh-dissolving bacteria in their saliva, and Rattle-headed Copper Moccasin Cobras with venom so poisonous that if the snake strikes at you and misses, you are gonna die anyway”.
** Would you please s’plain to da Loon who in the hell determines who is a celebrity? Some celebrities have never been celebrated for doing anything, and besides, da Loon have never heard of half of them. Does the last clause in the last sentence say more about da Loon as an out-of-the-know doofus, than it does about undeserving celebrities?
The Loon is fresh off two days of dance, and, as a result, much more mellow.
YET ANOTHER APPLICATION OF “THE LAW OF UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES”
Congress passed a law to make it possible for deaf people to use the telephone. The deaf person could type in a message and send it over the phone to an operator who would call the person to whom the message was intended and read it to them. For those of us who have many times tried in vain to reach a real person on the phone, just imagine the expense of implementing this law. Oh! It’s no where near the expense of making all public accommodation wheel-chair friendly, but still, hiring real people as telephone operators is not cheap. But forget the expense; the United States is a rich country, and part of that money is rightfully spent on making life easier for the disabled. However, this law allowing the deaf to you the phone is being primarily used by scammers, bunko- artists, drug-runners, money-launderers and the like. They have become the primary users of the new service because there is no record of their voices, and the law prohibits the operators from revealing to anyone the content of the messages. No Catholic Priest, no FBI agent and no local police detectives are allowed to know. And so, Congress has passed a law which could not have been better designed to make the business of crime easier and less undetectable. In defense of Congress, it has never been a body much concerned with “The Law of Unintended Consequences”, but, Hey! a just a tad of common-sense prescience would have helped here. Anyway they are going to have to cut the criminal use balls off of this law, that is to say, when ever they get around to it. Right now, many are absorbed with redecorating their new offices in D.C.
POTPOURRI
1. We in the United States should thank our lucky stars our immigration problem is largely with Christians from democratic Mexico. Consider for a moment, the European immigration problem which is largely Muslims from autocratic countries with a fondness for sharia law.
2. Correct the Loon if he is mistaken, but aren’t we undergoing a major bimbo eruption exemplified by Lindsey Loan, Nicole Ritchie, Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, and the pair of ace ditzes, Jessica and Ashley Simpson?
3. For those of you who object to eating meat from cloned animals, the Loon welcomes you to consider this thought experiment. Let’s say you are a cannibal and you were given a present of the most delicious and tender human you have ever eaten, and after having consumed the whole human, you leaned that the human had an identical twin. Would you object to eating the twin?
Allen Hall. alias “The Loon”
January 1 2007, in sunny warm Punta Gorda Florida
posted by Allen Hall at 4:09 PM
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